I swear, I get all the weirdos....


Yesterday's call center question du jour: Which do you prefer, French kissing or Australian kissing?

Me:  What's Australian kissing?

Customer:  You know, 'down under' k--

Me: Got it!  Got it!  Moving on!


In other news...  Most men in Missouri have long, handle bar mustaches.

And why not jump without a parachute?  Could be cement down there, true, or... Could be a bed of fluffy pink marshmallows.  I really can't tell from this distance, but....

Oh what the hell.

I jumped.

And I dropped all sites to focus on Daniel. 

And Daniel is focusing on ME.

SQUEEE!!!!!  GIRLY-GIRL JUMPING FOR JOY!!!!!

Oh Lord.  I did WHAT?!

Well, it's  'cause I never really thought a simple picture of a handsome smiling face could stone-cold-stop-my-breath-mid-inhale...  Never thought a voice could give me such delicious chills... Never thought a mere 'chat' could...  Well, I'm smitten.  And I've checked him out as best I can; what he's told me all adds up.   Plus, he's 35, divorced, and has a nine-year-old son.  And he lives in St. Paul where I have family--that's only three hours from me.

Now, don't you go thinkin' I haven't thought of what you're thinkin' right now...  And yes, I fully accept that I am officially crazy.

So, could this possibly be a repeat of Mr. Eh?  Maybe.  But in all those hours on the phone with Mr. Eh, I NEVER felt like this.  All shivery and tingly and hot and bothered and...  Well, you get the gist.

Yes, yes... I know!  Sounds like teenage hormones running amok in the body of a 38 year old--I think that movie was called Freaky Friday...  But I digress!  See, it's more than just hormones... It's his personality, his wit, his piercings and tattoos!  (Yeah, you read that right.)  ;-)

And yeah, this could fail utterly horribly miserably and my heart could end up shredded, mashed, scooped up and flipped out.  Very true.  But I don't care!  I want to love and live and enjoy!  I want to feel all wrapped up in rose colored bliss!   I want to feel my heart race and my pale face flush! 

I want Daniel.

So, I might just hit cement.

But here's hoping it's all marshmallows.

What I mean is, they do not read a lady's preferences AT ALL! 

Just "chatted" with a rather cute Latino dj on the ol' Big and Beautiful site...  5'6!!!!!!!

Not that I'm a height-ist...  I mean, I have dated extreemly short guys in my past, but...  I had specifically marked 'must be at least 6'0'!

Nobody reads anymore.

Except for you, 'cause you're reading this right now. lol

This is definitely not a serious writer's journal, though seriously, in any journal all one can do is write...  Well, unless it's an illustration journal, then... But no!  I digress.  Let those who can teach, teach.  As for me, all I can do is pretty much learn.  That's about it.  Oh--and crack a joke or two along the way.  I mean, I can be serious, but I hardly ever want to be anymore (unless a friend needs a shoulder, etc).  Nope.  This journal is not about being helpful with awesome writing techniques (you'll have to do what I do and look at what my friends are writing in their journals).  Nope.  I'm not the helpful sort. Not me. So if any new writers stumble upon this journal, you should know, my tips only come in the form of, "This sucked when I did it, so you might not wanna do it yourself."  Just sayin'.

This is me.  All glittery and obsessive and weird and actually trying to score a date before the summer ends. Yes, I know, summer hasn't even officially started yet, but come on!  We all know the last day of school is the first day of summer!  Time's a tickin' over here!!!!

So, in honor of that annoyingly ticking time bomb, I've begun to explore the realm of online dating.  Yeah, I know.  And it's all true.

Hey!  I've already got some Kelsey Can!  Tips!

Kelsey Can...Online Date

Tip #1

Do not use a mugshot to attract your future date.  I don't need to see your serial number.  I've already deleted you.

Tip #2

Do not use the word "pervert" in your bio essay.  This was assumed.  Moving on now....

And Tip #3

Do not use more than one 'love' when talking about your feelings for children.  I read where you said you love, love, LOVE children.  And I read where you said you have none.  The word 'pervert' didn't even need to be stated here. DELETE.

If Madonna can reinvent herself...  Okay.  Nevermind.  Nonetheless, I'm off and writing one more time.  Wait.  I should check myself over...  Agentless?  Check.  Unfinished novel?  Check.  Previous manscript left to rot?  Pretty much.  Okay then!

Behold the NEW and IMPROVED Kelsey!  Or, at the very least, the RIGHT NOW Kelsey.

And Kelsey is writing...AGAIN!!!!!!

Can I get a WOOT?